Tags
Biodun, Biodun Fatoyinbo, Christianity, COZA, Ese Walters, PCU, Workforce
If you have not been following the story, you may need to read this first
And a follow up by yet another “victim” here
I had thought that I would have a ball with the Pastor Biodun/Ese Walters saga—share pictures,
argue back and forth on who was wrong, or right in the matter, laugh like everyone else—but all on social media, excepting my blog. I had also thought, on reading the article, that what was immediately obvious to me would be as obvious to most other people. Again, let me relate the bare facts. As dispassionately as possible, here is what happened.
A young, seemingly intelligent woman, who I doubt is exactly on the brink of starvation seeing as she is doing her masters in the UK, visits her Pastor alone in his hotel room at his request. This young woman served in the Pastoral Care Unit until she left for London. Before she joined the workforce, she had been warned by a friend who attended the church not to do so, that is not to join the workforce. She never tells us if she asked her friend the reason for this advice, seeing as any good friend would rather advise you to be active in church, but if your friend drags you to church and then proceeds to ask you not to be a worker, I would think you would like to know why.
Fast forward to London, here they are in his hotel—not lobby, not dining room, but bedroom. Okay, so it was a suite and she was in the living area. Let me digress again. There have been scandals involving Pastors and church members and Priests and altar boys. Let us assume this girl fell from another planet and does not know any of this. Women, we are savvy in certain things and one of them is knowing when a man wants you. If this Pastor was able to mask his desire for this lady for the whole year she worked on the team, he should be looking at a career in Hollywood. And so I daresay this lady was aware that the pastor had the hots for her. Also, from other accounts I have read, I gather that there were rumours.. I know all about church gossip and it is hard to miss. Again, let us assume she was deaf.
The pastor offers her a drink, alcohol if she preferred. I will not pretend to be shocked at this. Many Pastors and priests drink and smoke—like I always say, the new god is more liberal than the days of yore and I am used to that, the funky new Christianity. Hell, I like it. So many of my friends are Christians. What would I do if I had to contend with teetotalism, headscarf-tying, thread hair-plaiting friends who sang in tongues all day long and started every sentence with “the Lord saith.” No, I like the new Christianity. And so no, the offer of drinks does not shock me. Although she is a little vague on this point, I think she rejected the offer. Not smart. If she had had the drink, she would get more sympathy from me now because I would “blame it on da vodk. . .”
You go off to the rooftop and he asks you to sit on his laps. 
At this point, I would say this young lady would know what was up. If the pastor had come behind her and started running his hands down her sides, arms,shoulders, and maybe even cupped her breasts, I would understand the suddenness of her reaction. She could lose control in seconds and then the pastor would be a major cad. But no, this man gave her time to make the decision—is you in or is you not? I give him kudos. She sits on his laps. He is kind enough to give her more time to gather her wits about her. Kiss me. She could have stopped at any time. She did not. She kissed him. Then they had sex. So far, so good. No victor, no vanquished. No winner, no loser. No abuser. No victim. Everyone is happy.
She begins to have doubts, suffers guilt and so on. That is all still on the level. But then, the twist is, she manages to convince herself that she was somehow ill-used. And although she says that she decided to expose the pastor because he is a fraud and deceiving people, she states also that all she wanted of him was an admission of wrongdoing. “All I wanted was to meet with him and have him accept that he misled me, betrayed his wife and the church he pastors. I wasn’t the only lady in COZA who had been a victim of his sexcapades and manipulative patterns but I was the one who could come back after months of struggle with not just my faith but also my affair with him. And I wanted to set things right. I wanted to talk to Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo maybe for closure and I felt like I needed an apology because he played the “touch not my anointed” card to keep me locked in guilt, shame and fear when all along it was a calculated plan and I dare say, it started when he asked me to join the workforce.” If he had said to her “okay Ese, I am sorry, I did wrong” would she have left off? She however came across as desperate for an audience, attention from the pastor which she was denied, maybe he had moved on to the newest female on the church block.
Another thing that stands out to me. Notice how she maligned her friend Ernest Akale’s fiancée, quoting verbatim something not really nice the lady said to her as one friend to another and in confidence, a flip remark many ladies would throw over their shoulders “just chop clean mouth”, without a second thought, only to have it revealed to the public and cast aspersions on that lady’s virtue. “. . . told me to suck it up (I’m paraphrasing). She said if she were me, she wouldn’t leave the church but stay to torment Pastor Biodun and collect money from him. Ok!” Not nice.
I have nothing to say of Pastor Biodun. That ilk, if I begin, I will never stop. Plus, that is what most people expect. He did what most men do. With more finesse than most I might add. That he is a man of God and so on, I will let church people discipline their own. That he is a married man, I leave him to his wife and to the community of married people. I have decided, as is my right that he is not my problem. That Ese is.
That she decided to expose the man is fine. What I do not understand is why she has decided to play victim and suck us all into the vortex of her deceit? This is a world where women and children are raped, brutally and people would be asking retarded questions like “what was she wearing?” and insinuating that it could have been her fault. Now before us is clear case of a woman who fucked a man, willingly, and I dare say enjoyably because she went for seconds, thirds and so on for a week.
Fine, she has decided as is her right, to play the role of abused woman. Now comes the problem. Someone writes a silly article criticizing women who have refused to condone and support this foolishness. Saying that women are known for not supporting each other and shit like that. Words fail me.
As I stated about a week ago, I am a feminist. And this is the very reason I, as most women, especially feminists cannot support this – and by this is mean the idea that despite what we think, we should support her as per “women unite”. In essence, what asking women to support Ese implies are;
- We should support her for solidarity sake. I don’t think so. There is a proverb that loosely stated says that if a parent will not scold a child at home, a stranger would in public in a way that would shame the parents
- Also in line with the above, supporting her because she is a woman is the same as asking a man to do something for me BECAUSE I am a woman. I would support her as a human being, not as a woman. The idea is equality-equal opportunities, not better privileges because someone is a woman. This is like reverse racism.
- The idea that women are weak and as such Ese was simply playing out the weakness, stupidity and lack of commonsense that is equatable to womanhood. Every woman should rise up, refute and repudiate this.
Women, any man who tries to make you feel bad, if like me you think that Ese needs to STFU and stop being a crybaby – “So, to all my ex COZA friends gossiping about me, get your facts right. To those who said they’d help me deal with the pain but didn’t, I forgive you, I have learnt how to deal with it and I am doing just fine.” – they are basically telling you “we don’t expect any better of women, so support your kind and reaffirm our convictions that you are silly, dizzy bunch who do not take responsibility for your actions. We like you in the place that we have put you. Please do not shake our convictions. Do not disprove and disappoint us.”
Last words. This lady has a flair for the dramatic though. Hear her “ I am a stronger woman and a damn abuse survivor seeking to connect with other victims of abuse to show them how to deal with the shame, hurt and guilt and how to come out stronger. Turning their mess into their message.
I am Ese Walter and I have gone through all forms of abuse from family, boyfriends, my ex pastor and some strangers not to break me, but so I stand and so I qualify to help victims. My scars have qualified me and when all is said and done, I will still be standing. I AM WOMAN, I BEND, I DON’T BREAK!.” She was bending alright.
I cannot imagine what this woman would say to real victims of abuse when she does connect with them. They will slap her face. Or they will be terribly hurt.
Oh and let me add, my friend and I went through the comments on Ese’s blog and compared them with the comments from other places where the discussion was going on and came to the conclusion that Ese seemed to have mostly approved comments that supported her and left only a tiny few that did not so it is not obvious what she was doing. Silly.
Disclaimer; I do not sit in judgement of Ese Walters *hic*. This blog post is in response to the people who insist that women support her, not because they believe her story or believe she was wronged, but because women need to stick together. As women. So I say no no no.
Fifty Shades Of Me 
You finish work. This is a dissection and a fine one, shorn of sentiments. I have tried to exonerate Pastor Fatoyinbo by using literature. There was a preacher character in John Steinbeck’s Grapes of Wrath and he said this;
“Tell you what-I use ta get the people jumpin’
an’ talkin’ in tongues, an’ glory-shoutin till they
just fell down an’ passed out. An’ some I’d
baptize to bring ’em to. An’ then-you know what
I’do? I’d take one of them girls out in the
grass, an’ I’d lay with her”
No be today yansh dey back. Men fuck. Pastors, poets, pagans–we all fuck. The man is not being exploitative or scheming he just likes to get his fuck on like the everyman. Psychoanalysis can explain dis better than christianity. My church pastor once had an affair with the church secretary’s wife who was also the choir coordinator. It was in the height of their adultery that the speerit move pass, so the high of worship is without repentant. What baffles me is that this pastor has fallen from grace. Worse, he is narcissistic about it. He is yet to say something concrete about this issue on ground. One day is for the owner. Everyday is for his thief.
Well put DA. Thank you.
To have sex with a woman requires more than a day or some hours interaction. Except the woman does it for a purpose or for money. I presume series of subtle flirtatious interactions should have been going on before that very particular day; somethings to lead on to the real act. And that the sexual acts went on for days interrogates rightful senses. You have hit the right angles…..no abuse, no blackmail
‘xactly
Pearl,
You made my morning! I’m a man but also feminist. It was sickening reading that Ese Walters’ write-up on a Sunday morning. When does consensual affair of many days become abuse?….(So, many questions emanate from her “expose” for a sound-minded person, but alas, I keep my peace.
Thanks for coming up with your take on the issue…keep hope (of “we” feminists) alive!
Sound-minded being the key word ai?
I followed this story though not Nigerian, and I must say this is the best piece I’ve read yet! I totally agree with the stupid way people interpret feminism. I am a feminist because I support Women’s Rights not because I want to defend all women who CLAIM to be “wronged”. To me Ese’s story is faulty as well, if she were a minor I would cry “statutory rape/abuse” but hey she is old enough! He is wrong but quite frankly she is attacking him over the wrong thing. Franca’s story is much more believable and logical. all in all though, the man’s an ass!
All I can say is “Brilliant!” Not a word more could explain the morale of this piece. Guilt is a personal feeling that should not be anchored on someone else’s foot.
I totally dig you Pearl. I am yet to understand what this Ese’s aim is.
LOL. If/when i know, i will share.
So i am here for the first time, I have had this argument with all sort of people, i totally agree with your points.. it is just so unfortunate she doesn’t know what she is gon lose with the silly wolf cry.. more ink to your pen..
Thank you so much. Please do not be a stranger.
Dearly Beloved, let us pray.
We thank God for the life of Pearl, and her brilliant writing style that infuses wit with wisdom! We pray that the almighty will benevolently bless and enrich her from on high with more works. We pray that she may earnestly provide us with her Twitter handle that we may follow her and in her reciprocating the follow may present an invitation to treat for wilful and beautiful P-setting.
All these we ask, Amen.
Amen and Amen and Amen. LOL. My twitter handle is at the bottom of this page. @pearlosibu. Thank you so much
There can be no authentic consent in a relationship involving unequal power. There is such a thing as pastoral sexual abuse of power.You should read this http://www.snapnetwork.org/psych_effects/soul_stealing_1.htm
While i agree, understand that this lady had been out from under his influence for well over a year. Also, if you read her post, you would see from her tone that what she felt for the pastor was far from awe.
Well said! She’s been away from his influence for over a year but still wanted to spread the story. A fact many people failed to notice!
Ese walters is simply a joke…if u analyse her writings u will sense an emotion of bitterness towards the pastor rather than guilt….far from guilt i dare say though…if you’ve had consensual sex with your pastor for seven days or more..how is that an abuse. i aint on the side of pastor biodun…but ese coming out to say she is trying to reach out to other victims of abuse is a joke!!! If u scrutinize her blog u will realise that she’s been looking for a way to drag traffic to her website and i think the pastor biodun affair is simply her claim to fame unfortunately….oh well whatever her motive is will be short lived…trust me most chicks that go to COZA know that pastor biodun is funky and flirty…so her story is just gonna get her a flicker of fame and its really burning out
LOL. Cynical much. Thank you jor
Well written prose, too harsh on the lady. When a person is in a position of authority it is easy to get the opposite gender who see him/her as a leader to fall prey to sexual advances. That’s why sexual relationships between student/teacher, agent/client, pastor/member are an abuse of position. Lets assume biodun is not a pastor would he have gotten her to sleep with him that easily?
Secondly, Biodun has not come out to refute the accusation. So rebuking Ese without hearing from the other party is absurd. What would be your stand if he comes out tomorrow to acknowledge and claim responsibility for his actions? And even go as far as saying he misused his position to seduce the girl?
Thirdly, I noticed a lot of the comments you let in are comments of those who support your “unbiased” feminist stand. You may just be doing the same thing with Ese and chances are that mine won’t get to your blog. I won’t grudge you for it however you must accept that all bloggers are guilty of same.
In conclusion, if you think that biodun is to be judged by his family and members, what moral stand do you have to condemn or commend Ese? We must realize that we all react to issues in different ways and the woman has reacted in her own way.
Y’all should go check what feminism entails, because its either you don’t know or the goal post of feminism has been moved without me knowing.
Aremo, thank you for your comment.
First, I have not disputed the fact that the pastor abused a position of authority. What i don’t believe is that an individual was abused. And i resent the fact that Ese is doing what seems like someone using my hand to masturbate.
I stated categorically that i was not interested in talking about the pastor-his case is too obvious and i really don’t give a damn about that guy. I hope you remember the premise for my post? You remember that i have stated that it is in response to an article where some woman is disappointed by the response of most women in the matter. Also, it really does not matter what Pastor Biodun says tomorrow. Do you think he is the authority on what constitutes abuse? Unless he claims he raped her, then yes. But if he says the same thing as what she’s said, his admitting it changes nothing. I have not said she is lying. If he says it happened that way, she is still dizzy.
Finally, contrary to what you say, here is your comment on display, not because of what you said, but because EVERY comment makes it on here-except in certain cases where for instance, someone gives out confidential information. Once someone mentioned where i live and that is information i don’t want out. I did not delete, i edited that part out. And that is the only time i have done anything but give full approval to every comment. i am not afraid of controversy or arguments, I am not narcissistic, and if everyone agreed with me all the time, why i would close this blog and go look for something more exciting to do. i however do not blame you for your skepticism, after all i expressed same about Ese’s comments roll. I would however point out that since on my honour, all the comments are here, you are probably looking at an honest representation of what people are thinking about the matter.
Again, in reaction to your last but one paragraph, maybe you don’t understand me. I am not condemning Ese from a moral high horse. I am not judging her for straffing the guy, hell, most women in her position might have, maybe me, haba, body nor be firewood. What i have a problem with is her deciding to wring sympathy for her poor abused self. That one i disagree.
Your last paragraph, what does feminism mean? Educate me since i don’t know. Feminism means supporting he folly of another human purely because she is woman? You will be hard pressed to find someone who supports women like i do, but in order to not lose all credibility, i don’t endorse folly biko.
listen to me and all of you , abuse is term defined by law and has many reffrences as deamed fit by a particular country, eg if you over feed a child you are abusing her. In western world it is abuse if you have sex while in a position that seems to be advantegeous even if the opposite sex agreed to it eg a doctor having sex with his patient. So in all totality the pastor abused his position. What happend to her can happen to any girl no matter how strong you think you her all a girl needs is just a minute likeness for a guy no to talk of some body who is in power. the Pastor needs to be thought a lesson. No need to blame the girl but she felf the trap which can happen to anyone. pls support her
Finally…… Once people in position like pastors, teachers, leaders put you in a position to turn down sexual advances. What are we talking about here pearl? This is a moral issue.
Again good dispassionate analysis. As much as i felt for Ese being used by her pastor (I have personal gripe about people, male & female using the church a cover to commit atrocities), i was at loss as to what her aim was in revealing it in this manner. I even briefly thought it was a synopsis of my pals second novel (search for “New Years Day” by Nina Ndubuisi). I had never heard of COZA before this Ese kini….u all have to admit the name sounds like some organisation that “Jack Bauer” needs to investigate :p…………..I think the Franca E babe makes more sense and claims to have more solid evidence.
I wonder why the pastor is yet to speak sha, abi him wife don beat am duka-duka, calling him in private, ashewo-oshi? Make he come yarn his own, i have my popcorn and mineral, ready for entertainment….
and lest i forget, someone please tell Ese say i sabi that state of grace wey pastor talk and will teach her after she spends one night of “sitting on my lap n rolling in sheets”
I am Loki after all :p
Gbam! on the missing comments on her blog.
I wondered about that as well.
I advised myself that these two people and their mad story isn’t worth my time.
Make I reserve am for sincerely abused victims.
Na so
Abi?
As I have said before, I say again: This Ese and her pastor ‘abuser’ are both guilty, as far as my court is concerned. The girl is just a bad girl looking for attention and the pastor is just one of the many foolish men of (g)od using religion as cover for evil…that is if he truly slept with her.
That pastor should go and commit suicide. He is a disgrace to manhood, to religion and to his family….if he actually slept with her.
I am ashamed that the girl comes from the same community as my humble self. It is bad enough to sleep with a married man, a pastor and worse to say it out and call it abuse.
The tone of her ‘confessional’ article shows that she is a bad runs girl…it smells of a foul upbringing and desperation. I have no pity for her.
I am assuming that she had more than a week tryst with the Pastor and he could even be the one sponsoring her Masters.
Pearl, God bless you for stating the obvious truth.
“The tone of her ‘confessional’ article shows that she is a bad runs girl…it smells of a foul upbringing and desperation.” This is actually the reason when i see some comments, i ask if they read the original article.
Pearl, are you saying she did not sound like someone who was desperate, a chronic bad girl and either poorly bred or never learnt?
See these:
“The first time I attended COZA, I felt it was my church and decided I was going to PLANT MY ASS there”
“Not the second man but the HEAD NIGGA IN CHARGE?”
the pastor, to her, was a NIGGER from the start
“In all my ‘badness’ through finding myself, I never did things I did for money but more of REBELLION against rules and authority.”
She was a self confessed rebel who did things…against rules and authority.
“I immediately started to rebuke the devil…”
even in her Sin, she was deluded
“As the days went by I tried to use drinking and smoking to cover up the deep shame and guilt I was battling with.”
Was it at this point she started smoking and drinking? A confirmed rebel?
“I wanted to talk to Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo maybe for closure…”
what closure other than a possible blackmail, (which the man deserved anyway)..or continuation
Abeg, she has nothing to say…and the pastor is no less guilty. Make them leave us rest.
Pearl,
I have a question on being a victim. I have heard several arguments about being a victim based on this case, and I need to ask; must it be only through rape that a woman becomes a victim of sexual abuse? Do you believe all women are as savvy and strong willed as you? And do you think that the your level of education or lack of is directly correlated to your will power especially when it comes to sex, food, alchohol and drugs.
And in the context of Ese’s post…so you feel the Nigerian church congregation are not victims to manipulative “men of God”? Please note am not for or against Ese’s post; am just wondering what the definition of seduction is, and what makes a person a victim or not!
vic·tim [víktim]
(plural vic·tims)
noun
1. somebody hurt or killed: somebody who is hurt or killed by somebody or something, especially in a crime, accident, or disaster
a murder victim
2. somebody or something harmed: somebody who or something that is adversely affected by an action or circumstance
a victim of her own success
3. somebody duped: somebody who is tricked or exploited
4. living being used for sacrifice: a live human or animal used as a sacrifice or in a religious rite
5. helpless person: somebody who experiences misfortune and feels helpless to remedy it
Microsoft® Encarta® 2009. © 1993-2008 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.
There’s your definition. It’s up to the reader to decide whether Ese fits in that category or not. As to your other questions, i have said already that i will not get dragged into the church and the pastor but if i must-i don’t understand anything that deprives a thinking person of their brains in that manner. That it happens does not make it ideal. And since everyone seems to be in agreement that these things happen in every church and are rampant, why do people still let it happen to them? But again, my own is not what happened, but the fact that this madam gives “abuse” a bad name.
I don’t think i am savvy or strong willed. The difference is that i won’t come back and act like i was remote-controlled.
Great write-up. I couldn’t have put it better!
Thanks
One is particularly handicapped in commenting on the Ese Walter saga given the one-sidedness of the reports . For as long as Pastor Fatoyinbo will not state his side of the story, or categorically deny or admit Ese accusation, one is rather likely to make an unbalanced judgement about the matter. But a judgement we must make, and all we have to go with is Ese’s version of events.
That said, I don’t think that Ese story was far-fetched. On the contrary, it was rather run-of-the-mill: quite a number of pastors trade on their exalted position to have carnal knowledge of their young nubile female congregant. So it’s not far-fetched for Ese, in spite of her breeding, to come under the spell of a notable pastor who happens to be young and good-looking to boot. I doubt that many girls, given the same circumstances, will come out of that situation with their ”pants” intact. Nothing seduces as power. Fatoyinbo wasn’t just an ordinary pastor: He was a pastor Ese respected greatly. And that was his power over her. Fatoyinbo knew this and deployed it to devastating effect. The scenario is not unlike a high-school girl alone in the same room with a university boy she admires greatly. or conversely, a school-boy besotted with his beautiful school teacher. All it takes is the right conditions and someone would be truly and proper screwed. And lest we forget the bigger matter here, Fatoyinbo had an illicit affair with a congregant. And while we might not have anything against consensual sex, Fatoyinbo is a pastor and must be held to a higher level of public morality. This, to me, is more important than the theory of ”Illicit affair gone sour”.
Exactly my point on the matter, what constitutes abuse, she clearly stated she was emotionally abused,not raped. It is very funny how we define abuse and being a victim in Nigeria, breeding or no breeding, savvy or not, educated or not, she was seduced and enticed (directly or in directly)by power, and for each one of us the powers that seduce us differs, be it pastor, boss, elected leader and the list goes on. And your right the story is not far fetched in a society like ours when religious leaders are seen to be gods and the use and abuse of power is shamelessly displayed.
The people need to understand the blurred lines between abuse and obedience to God’s servant. Do I blame the people for not using their brains no…the society actually condones stooges and subservient followers and actually “rewards” them, is it ideal? No…is it easier yes! I can go on and on, not in sympathy or empathy towards Ese…but on the topic of abuse and manipulation of the Nigerian society all in the name of religion.
As for Ese’s story…if true am still stuck on “let me teach you a level of Grace that you will not understand” if and when I actually get over that I may have an opinion about Ese and the accused Pastor.
So we are agreed that anybody can be abused and seduced by anything right? So would you excuse Ese if she says she did it for money? I doubt it. But she could have been seduced by money, no? Would you be as forgiving. So i am not interested in theories of seduction and temptation, the list of what could constitute temptation is endless. If my craving for nice things sends me a-stealing, would i say i was seduced by my lack of will? Na wa oh. Opinions, everybody has them and so on this matter, i think Ese insults victims. My opinion.She has the right to feel abused but no one should try to bully another into sympathizing if they are not so inclined. And the tone of her blog post quite simply does not evoke sympathy. There is something bitter and vengeful about it and she says she has moved on. She has not.
How we disperse and percieve information will always be relative, Abuse is a grand term to have been used by Ese Walter, and like someone commented earlier on not everyone is as strong willed or as witty as you. You’re concerned about the ills of Ese’s story and you’re simply using it as a vantage point to blatantly victimise her on your blog. Studies show that women are most likely to make emational descions rather than rational ones, deep inside u somewhere you know abuse of power came into play by the pastor. Why don’t you emphasize on that! That’s the issue to me in this whole saga, now imagine he slept with ypur 17yr old sisiter regardless of her level of knowledge or choice of words to express herself, you would have emphasized on the Pastor being ur top Priority. Power has always been abused since the dawn of man regardless of who falls prey to it miss use or how they handled it.
Well analysed.I hope this Ese Walter girl finds peace because she in her quest for one she has only done more harm than good.
I speak first as a woman. Ese acted foolishly. And isntead of crying foul she should accept her foolisness and make a mental not not to repeat it. I can almost bet that she knew the pastor ‘wanted’ her. She probably wanted him too, why else would she go to his room alone. She sounds to me like a woman scorned. The world does not favour women, fact. So a woman needs to learn to protect herself. You would hardly get sympathy/justice for rape in these parts how much more consensual sex. If Ese was looking for sympathy, she won’t get it from me. Instead she makes me angry. A man is first of all a man before he is anything else. Was she supposed to be playing ten ten on his laps?
Interesting conversation here. And I stand on both sides. Ese knew what she was doing and she kept doing it. I do not dispute that she was abused as abuse comes in all forms. Women willingly go into relationships and consciously stay there and get emotionally abused and remain. But one day, they get out and see clearly and speak out against the abuse. These things happen everyday, everywhere and I don’t see anyone complaining or castigating the women. The only reason Ese is treated like this is becos:
1. The man involved is a highly placed MOG
2. She made it public
If she was coming out and saying she wanted the man to change and repent, should she have claimed to be a victim? No. She should have come out repenting and being sorry for what she did, for she did wrong as much as the man did. She was no saint in the issue.
But for us to come out and say she wasn’t abused or a victim, that’s taking it too far. Way too far. A doctor, lawyer, psychologist would have lost his job now for crossing the line.
A pastor, I believe, wields more power than the three above in this country. Even outside nigeria, we’ve heard of pastors leading their flock to death like the Jim Jones’ affair. Nobody came out and said it was their fault. They were all victims, grown ass men and women and the man did not jazz them. Though he used force later but he had already gotten their minds and made them leave everything that was sensible to follow him.
Ese, from going through her blog is a disturbed woman. She trusted her pastor, he abused the trust. Having been previously abused in a past relationship, she trusted this man and he said ‘I’ll show you a diff level of grace’ and he did. He showed her love or so she tot under the sheets. She felt accepted, needed, cared for only for her to find out she was just being used for her vagina. He was just another guy after all. She sees she’s been used, been a fool and she is bitter. But she took the necessary steps and all she got was nothing. Clearly, no one was understanding her pain, they were protecting their pastor. She wanted to just see him and have him tell her to her face that there was nothing more in the grunts and sweat and rolling in the sheets but she’s not allowed to see him. It is as clear as day to her now. She was used to satisfy his lust. She comes out in bitterness and anger to tell her tale. She will not tell u how her heart ached for him cos she doesn’t want him to read it and know. So she claims she is a victim in the sense of being a member and being abused be her pastor, not a girl who had a man in her arms and he made her feel like a woman, giving her hope that the world was still good
Come on, let’s see it as it is. Plain abuse.
WOW!!! i m so glad i read your piece, I totally agree with you. My Question to ESE is that “as this wolf cry solved her problem and her stupidity” . Its obvious that she wanted more from this man and wanted attention. She wasnt looking for sympathy. She is playing the “i can be a bitch and get back at you card” unfortunately this isnt working at all. I m just wondering how much more foolish people will wake up and remember that pastor biodun slept with them. Why wait till now? why didnt u raise an alarm when u were enjoying his “pekus” . Ese has just destroyed any string of self esteem she has unknowingly and foolishly and yes she will pay more than just shame for a price for a long while!!!!!!!
How we look at this scenario would obviously be coloured by our experiences. For me, abuse often comes with clearly defined legal limits. Quite a few of us have had relationships that were bedevilled with abuse: physical, emotional, psychological etc. But we cant all be taken to court because a consensual relationship went wrong, except perhaps the court of public opinion which is not legally binding nor much more than common sense. Ese made a bad judgement call to agree to a relationship with a married man who is a pastor. I put married man first because I also want to include the other “victims” in this scenario; his wife, his kids, his friends, his relations, his church. Ditto for her friends, her family etc. Honestly, the whole story bores me because I think everybody involved was in it for reasons that were selfish and extremely personal at that time. Seriously, I really dont give a hoot…and you can’t sue me!
Hi Pearl!
I just want to say I totally admire your balanced view point on this matter. It shows that we still have people in our society who think with clear heads. As for your articulation, superb! The fact that this young lady could be consensually involved in an affair with a married man and come out publicly to receive so much sympathy and popularity just sickens me. Assuming every detail of her story is indeed true, this lady is a very SELFISH and SELF OBSESSED person and all should be weary of her.
In her detailed revelation, she showed no consideration whatsoever for Mrs. Fatoyinbo (the real victim in this whole saga if you’d ask me, whether all accounts are true or not), her friend and his fiance who’s only crime was giving her their honest audience and support. If she had done this as soon as it happened, I’d excuse her for the possibility that she was too dazed to process things. This is over a year later, the girl don’t give a damn about nobody but herself and her ‘sore conscience’,( if she even truly has a soul. lol), not caring who gets burned.
But seriously, such recklessness is easily overlooked by blind sympathisers who can only connect with her pain. If you have an affair with a married man and you really want a clear conscience, I dare you to quietly go and confess on your knees to his wife. Face her wrath and beg her forgiveness, if you are really ‘WOMAN’. Don’t come and tell us thru the media over a year later,its almost like bragging rights. Now I feel bad for all the times I’ve critiscized Kim Kardashian, I mean she even chose a far more honourable path to fame and popularity.
Please note that in all this I do not despise her for her sins, cos I’m a sinner myself. And I take responsibility by coming before God every day taking full responsibility for my actions. But come on each time she talks about what happens and celebrates her folly, she is dragging some innocent people in d mud. (By innocent, wasn’t referring to the accused, tho I’m not saying he aint).
Pardon me for talking too much on the matter, but the tone of Ese’s tale is not of one who has been abused but of a lover who is bitter after being spurned and would go to any lengths, regardless of repercussions to all other affected parties to get what she deems to be ‘her pound of flesh’.
Does she know what it means to be abused?? I refer her to kids who live with their stepdad and have had to put up with sexual advances even before hitting puberty, or women in abusive marriages tied down by moral and society imposed obligations. What about the young children given into marriage at an age when they cannot even tell their left from their right and being forced to perform duties that their poor minds are yet to begin to comprehend.
If our society decides to celebrate such shameless quest for popularity, then fine (goes to show how far down the drain we’ve gone), but please let’s give it the right name to avoid grave injustice to the souls of all those women who have REALLY suffered abuse.
And to those who would like to call me out on my statements, I dare ask why she didn’t pick on any of her other ‘abusers’ to write on, afterall she ended by saying she’s suffered lots of abuse from ex-boyfriends, etc. Afterall, some of her other so called abusers are still out there and could still be a danger to society. So we should be expecting her sequel (na this one of a Pastor na em pain am pass?). Peace!
EXACTLY!!
” you have an affair with a married man and you really want a clear conscience, I dare you to quietly go and confess on your knees to his wife” – SO TRUE!!!! There was absolutely no consideration for his wife at all. sigh
http://dailystar.com.ng/2013/09/03/ese-walters-lips-soft-succulentmy-weakness-arose-pastor-biodun-fatoyinbo-finally-speaks/ for the alleged response from the said pastor
The girl enjoy the fuck jere. Make we hear word. The thing sweet am so tey she go there for five days. The thing dey sweet: holy or unholy.
http://nigeriana.org/blog/news/2013/09/02/ese-walter-scandal-hater-high-time-told-truth-pastor-j.html/
the controversy is still brewing
…And then the Ese Walter story went cold – unsolved and unanswered – like every other issue of seeming importance in the forgetful minds of Nigerians.
Debates, debates, debates
I think Pearl Osibu should be allowed to be herself and
Ese Walters should be allowed to be herself!
Excellent post. I agree with everything you’ve said
Pearl did you see Ese’s latest rant on twitter about another married man. Would love to know your thoughts
LOUD IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she was bending alright.
I ahd no isuue with the story, everybody writes fiction< buh i just zoned out when she decided to play the victim. Until I realized that she was starting a foundation/NGO and therefore she heeded validation.
this post is the most objective that I have seen concerning that story,
thank you. i got a lot of heat for it. being a feminist and all, i was supposed to support her