If you have not been following the story, you may need to read this first
And a follow up by yet another “victim” here
I had thought that I would have a ball with the Pastor Biodun/Ese Walters saga—share pictures, argue back and forth on who was wrong, or right in the matter, laugh like everyone else—but all on social media, excepting my blog. I had also thought, on reading the article, that what was immediately obvious to me would be as obvious to most other people. Again, let me relate the bare facts. As dispassionately as possible, here is what happened.
A young, seemingly intelligent woman, who I doubt is exactly on the brink of starvation seeing as she is doing her masters in the UK, visits her Pastor alone in his hotel room at his request. This young woman served in the Pastoral Care Unit until she left for London. Before she joined the workforce, she had been warned by a friend who attended the church not to do so, that is not to join the workforce. She never tells us if she asked her friend the reason for this advice, seeing as any good friend would rather advise you to be active in church, but if your friend drags you to church and then proceeds to ask you not to be a worker, I would think you would like to know why.
Fast forward to London, here they are in his hotel—not lobby, not dining room, but bedroom. Okay, so it was a suite and she was in the living area. Let me digress again. There have been scandals involving Pastors and church members and Priests and altar boys. Let us assume this girl fell from another planet and does not know any of this. Women, we are savvy in certain things and one of them is knowing when a man wants you. If this Pastor was able to mask his desire for this lady for the whole year she worked on the team, he should be looking at a career in Hollywood. And so I daresay this lady was aware that the pastor had the hots for her. Also, from other accounts I have read, I gather that there were rumours.. I know all about church gossip and it is hard to miss. Again, let us assume she was deaf.
The pastor offers her a drink, alcohol if she preferred. I will not pretend to be shocked at this. Many Pastors and priests drink and smoke—like I always say, the new god is more liberal than the days of yore and I am used to that, the funky new Christianity. Hell, I like it. So many of my friends are Christians. What would I do if I had to contend with teetotalism, headscarf-tying, thread hair-plaiting friends who sang in tongues all day long and started every sentence with “the Lord saith.” No, I like the new Christianity. And so no, the offer of drinks does not shock me. Although she is a little vague on this point, I think she rejected the offer. Not smart. If she had had the drink, she would get more sympathy from me now because I would “blame it on da vodk. . .”
You go off to the rooftop and he asks you to sit on his laps. At this point, I would say this young lady would know what was up. If the pastor had come behind her and started running his hands down her sides, arms,shoulders, and maybe even cupped her breasts, I would understand the suddenness of her reaction. She could lose control in seconds and then the pastor would be a major cad. But no, this man gave her time to make the decision—is you in or is you not? I give him kudos. She sits on his laps. He is kind enough to give her more time to gather her wits about her. Kiss me. She could have stopped at any time. She did not. She kissed him. Then they had sex. So far, so good. No victor, no vanquished. No winner, no loser. No abuser. No victim. Everyone is happy.
She begins to have doubts, suffers guilt and so on. That is all still on the level. But then, the twist is, she manages to convince herself that she was somehow ill-used. And although she says that she decided to expose the pastor because he is a fraud and deceiving people, she states also that all she wanted of him was an admission of wrongdoing. “All I wanted was to meet with him and have him accept that he misled me, betrayed his wife and the church he pastors. I wasn’t the only lady in COZA who had been a victim of his sexcapades and manipulative patterns but I was the one who could come back after months of struggle with not just my faith but also my affair with him. And I wanted to set things right. I wanted to talk to Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo maybe for closure and I felt like I needed an apology because he played the “touch not my anointed” card to keep me locked in guilt, shame and fear when all along it was a calculated plan and I dare say, it started when he asked me to join the workforce.” If he had said to her “okay Ese, I am sorry, I did wrong” would she have left off? She however came across as desperate for an audience, attention from the pastor which she was denied, maybe he had moved on to the newest female on the church block.
Another thing that stands out to me. Notice how she maligned her friend Ernest Akale’s fiancée, quoting verbatim something not really nice the lady said to her as one friend to another and in confidence, a flip remark many ladies would throw over their shoulders “just chop clean mouth”, without a second thought, only to have it revealed to the public and cast aspersions on that lady’s virtue. “. . . told me to suck it up (I’m paraphrasing). She said if she were me, she wouldn’t leave the church but stay to torment Pastor Biodun and collect money from him. Ok!” Not nice.
I have nothing to say of Pastor Biodun. That ilk, if I begin, I will never stop. Plus, that is what most people expect. He did what most men do. With more finesse than most I might add. That he is a man of God and so on, I will let church people discipline their own. That he is a married man, I leave him to his wife and to the community of married people. I have decided, as is my right that he is not my problem. That Ese is.
That she decided to expose the man is fine. What I do not understand is why she has decided to play victim and suck us all into the vortex of her deceit? This is a world where women and children are raped, brutally and people would be asking retarded questions like “what was she wearing?” and insinuating that it could have been her fault. Now before us is clear case of a woman who fucked a man, willingly, and I dare say enjoyably because she went for seconds, thirds and so on for a week.
Fine, she has decided as is her right, to play the role of abused woman. Now comes the problem. Someone writes a silly article criticizing women who have refused to condone and support this foolishness. Saying that women are known for not supporting each other and shit like that. Words fail me.
As I stated about a week ago, I am a feminist. And this is the very reason I, as most women, especially feminists cannot support this – and by this is mean the idea that despite what we think, we should support her as per “women unite”. In essence, what asking women to support Ese implies are;
- We should support her for solidarity sake. I don’t think so. There is a proverb that loosely stated says that if a parent will not scold a child at home, a stranger would in public in a way that would shame the parents
- Also in line with the above, supporting her because she is a woman is the same as asking a man to do something for me BECAUSE I am a woman. I would support her as a human being, not as a woman. The idea is equality-equal opportunities, not better privileges because someone is a woman. This is like reverse racism.
- The idea that women are weak and as such Ese was simply playing out the weakness, stupidity and lack of commonsense that is equatable to womanhood. Every woman should rise up, refute and repudiate this.
Women, any man who tries to make you feel bad, if like me you think that Ese needs to STFU and stop being a crybaby – “So, to all my ex COZA friends gossiping about me, get your facts right. To those who said they’d help me deal with the pain but didn’t, I forgive you, I have learnt how to deal with it and I am doing just fine.” – they are basically telling you “we don’t expect any better of women, so support your kind and reaffirm our convictions that you are silly, dizzy bunch who do not take responsibility for your actions. We like you in the place that we have put you. Please do not shake our convictions. Do not disprove and disappoint us.”
Last words. This lady has a flair for the dramatic though. Hear her “ I am a stronger woman and a damn abuse survivor seeking to connect with other victims of abuse to show them how to deal with the shame, hurt and guilt and how to come out stronger. Turning their mess into their message.
I am Ese Walter and I have gone through all forms of abuse from family, boyfriends, my ex pastor and some strangers not to break me, but so I stand and so I qualify to help victims. My scars have qualified me and when all is said and done, I will still be standing. I AM WOMAN, I BEND, I DON’T BREAK!.” She was bending alright.
I cannot imagine what this woman would say to real victims of abuse when she does connect with them. They will slap her face. Or they will be terribly hurt.
Oh and let me add, my friend and I went through the comments on Ese’s blog and compared them with the comments from other places where the discussion was going on and came to the conclusion that Ese seemed to have mostly approved comments that supported her and left only a tiny few that did not so it is not obvious what she was doing. Silly.
Disclaimer; I do not sit in judgement of Ese Walters *hic*. This blog post is in response to the people who insist that women support her, not because they believe her story or believe she was wronged, but because women need to stick together. As women. So I say no no no.