Anyway, the guy was rotting from the outside in. Worse, he was wearing shorts and a sleeveless tank top. This is pure evil o. Thank god for my sanitizer – both liquid and paper form, and my pashmina which I draped securely over the exposed part of my left arm. I had to stay vigilant throughout the journey to ensure that any slippage was quickly corrected and every touchery avoided. Unfortunately, although I wore a long muslin dress, it had slits on the sides so every once in a while, his bare legs would brush against mine. Chei. Did I have to wear socks or anoint my legs with sanitizer too?

Two hours into the trip, a guy sitting on my extreme left needed to take a shit. The driver wouldn’t stop until I started yelling. I didn’t understand it. The driver just wouldn’t stop, the other passengers refused to get involved, the culprit…errr, sorry, victim, instead of being more vocal was busy twitching his buttocks from side to side and standing up and sitting down and saying meekly ‘driver, I want to ease myself.’ It was the way he hightailed it into the bush once the bus stopped that let us know he was doing number two. Anyway, me, ever the activist, I started to hala, ‘driver, are you crazy? Are you carrying animals? Stop this fucking bus before I climb over everybody’s head, and wrench that steering from your hands then let’s all end up in the bush.’ I won’t deny, I was not being exactly altruistic. Did you want someone to shit on the bus and add to my misery?

Dear mortals, sometimes, some of us elites have to condescend to travel with you by public transportation. For our sakes if not for yours, try to abide by the following regulations;…

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