Not i

Dear Mother-in-law,

Greetings in the name of (insert chosen deity). I hope this letter meets you well. I am fine, thank you for asking. Your son is fine too. We are well. Our marriage, in case you were wondering, is great. We have a lot of sex in positions you couldn’t possibly imagine. Sometimes, I tie your son to the bedpost. Your son eats my pu&%y, uh, that’s a modern term for vagina. I heard you made him swear that he would never do such a thing. Well, you will have to forgive him. He is a grown man now and can put his mouth wherever he wants. And if he says it is in my… you know, who am I to say no? He, after all, is my Lord and Master. He seems to enjoy it too seeing as I don’t have to ask him to. Your son also likes me to put my finger up his… never mind. But I’m sure you know what I mean. When we are like this, he is not your son, you’d better believe it. He is my bitch. Oh don’t worry, he doesn’t mind…

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