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At the still-point of destruction

At the centre of the fury

All the angels all are devils

All around us can’t you see…

Oh no, I am not having a fight or a rant. I am rewarding myself with music – this beautiful song by Sting. Yes, I said reward.

I had had a really long day, writing endlessly. I had held off playing music all day, even though the lyrics kept running through my mind. So, I decided that when I went far enough, or finished, I would reward myself with music.

Last week I went running. On my way back, I realized I was missing my pedometer. I had to retrace my steps until I found it. I was so pleased with myself and as a reward, I ran back some of the way I should have walked.

Now I know what you are thinking. Ran? As reward?

Have you ever noticed how when we think we have been good and deserve something , we go out and do something destructive. When we think reward, we think ice cream, KFC bucket chicken, slabs of pizza, a cigarette.

Or how we work so hard for five days of the week. And then the two days when we should rest and regroup and rebuild our energy, meaning reward ourselves, those are the days we sometimes totally destroy ourselves, especially Friday night. Meaning we can’t even wait for the destruction to begin.

And so to appreciate ourselves for a job well done, we kill ourselves, slowly but surely.


So, I’m thinking on how we can redefine what we term enjoyment. Remember, you can tell yourself something often enough until you believe it. Sound familiar? Good.

So, we could begin to tell ourselves that what we really enjoy and cannot have very often and should reward ourselves with are things like-

A good swim

Favourite music

A massage

Exotic fruits

Screaming muscles

Some salsa

A smoothie

A brisk walk

A trip to the dentist


A movie

Window shopping

A good book


A long chat with your significant other (if distance separates you)

Sex (which includes masturbation)

And before we know it, we will believe it.

Mea culpa

Have a lovely week folks, and keep your heads up.