“Friendship doesn’t really start to grow until two people have had a disagreement.
Distance forbids the delivery of candles on cake. So, in lieu of a
cake, I’ll just remind you of what draws me to you.
Most people wait to let it all out in fireside eulogies that are
spoken among fellow mourners. I don’t know if it’s the same in Nigeria
but in Zimbabwe, when someone dies, we congregate at an appointed
place, weeping, sitting by a fire, recounting the life of the
deceased. So here’s my fireside speech:
You’re a brilliant writer. I wish you would write. A book, not blogging.
Stay away from red lipstick. It emphasizes the fullness of your lips,
which is a good thing for most people but a bad thing for me. It can
be a little distracting, like getting a foot massage while you’re
trying to read calculus.
You’re super intelligent. You are ballsy, which is a stupid
Americanism because when used to describe a woman, as it often is,
ballsy implies some form of double-gendered deformity.
You think beyond normal limits, which sometimes shocks people. But
like a moth to fire or like silly European zoologists who run towards
growling lions and stroke 7 foot gorillas, a good number of us are
fascinated by your candor.
You love your health. I know because you jog often.
You’re a snob. But don’t worry, there are many like you. We probably
have a secret society, a chairperson, a meeting place and guestbook
signed by the few deserving invitees. But are afraid to publicize it,
for fear that the hoi polloi might gatecrash.
You have a lovely voice even in the husky early hours of the morn.
Thank goodness for email, Facebook and whatsapp. If followers of your
blog heard you speak, they might ignore the message and instead listen
to the voice. Kinda like big chested blonde highschool teachers.
Nobody REALLY LISTENS. Nobody makes eyecontact with them.
You’re creative. You’re energetic and driven.
End of eulogy.
Happy birthday Pearl”
LOL. Thank you Ezekiel. Err flattered. And humbled.
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